Umm.... What??

Did the Nuggets really just trade Marcus Camby for jack shit? Is this an actual trade or some kind of prank? What the hell are we doing? The best the Nugget brass could come up with for Camby was the rights to swap 2nd round draft picks in 2010 with the LA Clippers. That's it!?? What, the rights to retire Pooh Richardson's jersey weren't available? How about just a Ron Harper throwback? We are talking about the guy who led the NBA in blocks, was 2nd in rebounding, was 1st team All Defense, was the Defensive Player of the Year 2 seasons ago, and is the only good defender on a terrible defensive team, right? I hope the Nuggets didn't think that they were trading Jelani McCoy and then they fucked up the paperwork. So where does this leave our team? We've traded Camby... for nothing in return. Lost Eduardo Najera to free agency. So that leaves us with Nene and K-Mart in the front court, and that's it. So we have two injury prone big men and nothing else. Wait... I think we may still have Steven Hunter under contract too. So... you know... there's that. I hope we have some big plans for that $10 million trade exception. We'd better. But I don't know who would be willing to deal with us right now. Maybe we could get someone like LeMarcus Aldridge? Now that Portland has Oden back healthy along with Channing Frye, Travis Outlaw and Ike Diogu things are crowded in their front court. Although, they'd probably want to move Frye first, and I doubt they'd deal with us since we're both in the Northwest Division. Another possibility could be Nick Collison. Seattle is loaded with big men. But again we are in the same division and they have other players they'd try to move first. Maybe we could get Robert Swift from them..... dare I dream?? Another possible move is a sign and trade for Emeka Okafor. Although that's probably not realistic. The Bobcats have said that they will match any offer for Okafor and they don't really have anyone up front if he leaves. So right now it looks like we're pretty much screwed. I guess we're putting all of our eggs in the "Nene and K-Mart stay healthy for a full season" basket. That should end well.

Why can't the good guy ever catch a break?

So.... Travis Henry has apparently tested positive for drug use again. That's just special. Honestly, has there ever been a more tardtastic athlete in the history of sports? Let's see, he knocked a different chick up nine different times, he's constantly forgetting to pay child-support, he's now tested positive for marijuana at least three times.... I think that he's missing the part of the brain that helps us learn from our mistakes. In fact, if we x-rayed his brain Homer Simpson style, it probably looks something like this: I like to imagine him as a kid at his house, playing around the stove.... Mom - "Travis baby, don't touch that stove... it's hot." Henry - "Huh? This stove? (puts his hand directly on the flaming hot burner) OW! THAT'S HOT!!" Mom - "Dammit Travis! I told you it was hot! Now don't touch that stove again!!" Henry - "Huh? This stove? (puts hand on it again) OWWWW!!!" ...and scene. Seriously though, thank God Shanny dumped this waste of talent last month. You have to feel a little for the guy though. A year ago he had just signed a $22.5 million contract, he was the starting RB for the most potent rushing offense of the past decade... fast forward one year and he's been cut from the Broncos, he owes child support on 9 kids, he's looking at least at a one year suspension, and at age 29 it's likely he may have played his last football game and squandered his entire fortune. Actually, fuck that turd. Good riddance Travis Henry.

Elway's Kryptonite

John Elway.... afraid?? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it directly from the horse's mouth (see what I did there? With the "horse's mouth" thing and John Elway? This is why I make jokes... because I'm funny) but it appears as though there is one thing on this planet that actually puts fear into the heart of a God. It's shocking, I know. My entire world has been rocked. What's next? Are you going to tell me that the sun isn't powered by Chuck Norris' beard? That a steady diet of Funyons and Pabst Blue Ribbon is bad for you? What is this one thing that scared Lord Elway you ask? Charles Barkley's golf swing. If he thinks that's ugly... he should see my wife when she wakes up in the morning! OH!! That's my time folks, don't forget to tip your waitress!!

The Nuggets Free-Agent Plans; More than just resigning Anthony Carter.... right??

The free-agency signing period starts tomorrow, and the Nuggets aren't exactly making a lot of noise. We drastically need PG help, and we were targeting Chris Duhon, but unfortunately it looks like Duhon decided he'd rather sign up with the Knicks than come to Denver (kind of a crushing blow to the ego there. One team has Anthony Carter starting at PG, the other has about 17 PG's on the roster and he goes with the Knicks?) So now what do the Nuggets do? In my opinion, our biggest weakness has been poor point guard play over the past couple of seasons. I know most people say it's defense, but as Paul Pierce and Ray Allen showed us this past season, defense is more of a mindset. Where-as having a legitimate point guard has proven to be vital to a team's success. Allen Iverson's not a true point, and Anthony Carter is a nice player, but he should never be seeing much playing time with a playoff caliber team. With that in mind what do the Nuggets do to help remedy this problem? Do we bring back Earl Boykins? Take a chance on someone like Sebastian Telfair or Shaun Livingston? (Quick side note; could you imagine adding Sebastian Telfair to this current group of Nuggets? That would be like throwing Brandon Marshall onto the Cincinnati Bengals, only if Marshall couldn't catch and was terrible at football). Livingston might be worth a shot, but the Nuggs are a little strapped for cash... like negative $21 million strapped, so he'll most likely be out of their price range. They could sign someone like Lindsey Hunter, Dan Dickau, Tyronn Lue, or Carlos Arroyo to a mid-level exception. But none of them are really much of a step up from Anthony Carter. So I've come up with three solutions. One a bit more intricate than the other two. Here they are: Option 1- We trade Marcus Camby and Charlotte's future 1st round pick to the Bulls for Kirk Hinrich. Their salaries match up perfectly, the Nuggets get a much needed PG who can shoot, and the Bulls get a potential lottery pick and a 1st Team All-Defense big man who's salary comes off the books in two years. Then the Nuggets sign my boy David Harrison for the league minimum, and they sign James Posey as their mid-level exemption. Now we've got Hinrich and AI in the backcourt, with Melo and K-Mart up front and Nene holding down the middle. Off the bench we've got JR, Posey, David Harrison, Najera and Kleiza. That's a lineup you can win a playoff series with. Option 2- We sign White Chocolate as our mid-level exemption. That's right. Tell me you wouldn't want to see Jason Williams leading the Nuggets fast break? He'd be the old White Chocolate from the Sacramento Kings days all over again. Just watch these highlights and tell me you wouldn't pay a lot of money to watch him play for the Nuggets.... Option 3- We stand pat. We scrape our way into the playoffs the next couple of seasons and let all of our big contracts run out. Iverson comes off the books next year, and Camby and K-Mart's contracts are gone in 2010. That would leave us over $20 million in cap space to sign Lebron in the summer of '10. Then Melo and Lebron could finally join forces like Voltron and dominate the NBA for years. They've always been boys, so I'm sure Melo could lure Lebron away from the Brooklyn Nets. Hell, you could put me, Paul Shirley and a retarded monkey on a team with those two and we'd win. Seriously though, there aren't a lot of options for the Nuggets. They have their mid-level exemption and I really hope they can sign Posey with it. As badly as we need a PG, we can get by with Iverson and Anthony Carter. Posey is a winner who can lock people down on defense, and despite his limits offensively he can hit an open three. And with Melo and AI on his team he'd get plenty of open looks after double teams. So basically he's just like Yakhouba Diawara, if Khoubs could shoot, defend someone, and win. I also like the idea of signing David Harrison. I'm not just saying that because David's like a little brother to me either. David's a defensive minded player who's huge and athletic. He can block shots, rebound, and is a true low-post player. Plus this is probably his last shot in the NBA. So he knows he can't make anymore mistakes and has to prove what kind of player he is. If we can get a guy like that for the league minimum, we should jump all over it. Plus maybe David could get me some sweet tickets....

Greatest. Class. Ever

Lineups for the MLB All-Star game were announced yesterday, and once again it was on display just how kick-ass the Class of '95 was for high school sports in Colorado. We f-ing ruled! Roy Halladay (Arvada West, class of '95) and Brad Lidge (Cherry Creek, class of '95) were both picked as reserve pitchers for the game. It's the 2nd All-Star game for Lidge, and the 5th for Halladay, proving again that the Class of '95 is fucking awesome. Granted I don't have Irv and Joe's expansive knowledge of Colorado High School sports from any time before about 1990, but I think it's a pretty safe bet to say that the 1995 class produced the greatest crop of talent in the history of the state. Halladay and Lidge top the baseball talent. In basketball we had Michael Ruffin (Cherry Creek) and Chauncey Billups (George Washington). In football we had.... Well... I know that the "Albino Rhino" Kevin McDougal (Arvada West) played for the Colts for a couple of seasons, and I think that Tom Ashworth (Cherry Creek) was a class of '95 guy. There are probably some others I'm leaving out that Brainz will remember (his brain is like a steel trap filled with crap like this). But I think it's safe to say that the Class of '95 was the greatest class in the history of everything. Feel free to bestow gifts upon us, as you bask in the glow of sheer awesomeness that exudes from our every pore.

Melo's Staying... He's finishing his coffee.... Just enjoying his coffee

The Nuggets put all the Carmelo trade talks to rest today by assuring Melo and his agent that he will not be traded any time soon. Hopefully this will put to bed all of the idiotic trade rumors surrounding Carmelo since the Nuggs lost out in the first round of the playoffs again this season. I absolutely cannot believe how much steam these trade rumors have picked up over the past couple of weeks. It's got to be awkward for Melo around the city right now. Do you think that he just assumes that everyone he meets hates him and wants him out of town? And it is so ridiculous. I mean, what kind of asshat trades an NBA / International superstar who just turned 24 less than a month ago? I'll never understand the thinking behind the people who want him traded. "We've never won a playoff series in his entire career!" They say. Really? That's your basis for wanting to trade him? First of all, we were the worst team in the NBA before we drafted him, and we've been to the playoffs every season since. Also.... HE JUST TURNED 24!!! Here's a list of some other players who hadn't won a playoff series by the time they turned 24? - Michael Jordan - Dominique Wilkins - Tracy McGrady - Kevin Garnett - Karl Malone - Steve Nash - Paul Pierce - Ray Allen - Chauncey Billups - Jason Kidd - Yao Ming - George Gervin - Alex English - Pete Marovich - Earl Monroe - Bill Walton - Willis Reed - Oscar Robertson And that was with me looking on basketballreference.com for all of 10 minutes. That's right, the entire "Boston Three Party" had yet to win a playoff series by their 24th birthday. Ten different league MVP's hadn't won a series by the time they were 24. Even Bill Walton (who's so quick to point out Melo's flaws) hadn't won a playoff series at the same age. I wonder if Bulls fans were calling for a Jordan trade by his 24th birthday, claiming that they could just never win with a player like him? The point of this is, you don't trade a player who's this young and this talented unless you can upgrade. And there aren't many players or scenarios that give you an upgrade in talent over Carmelo Anthony. Many radio hosts in town claim that Melo took a big step back this past season and regressed. But the stats don't really back that claim up. He shot a career best 49.4% from the field and 35.4% from three. He averaged a career best 7.4 rebounds per game (1.3 per game higher than any other season), a career high 1.3 steals, and also averaged 3.4 assists per game. His scoring numbers were down because his averaged over 3 shots per game less than the previous season, which can be attributed to playing a full season with Allen Iverson. I guess I'm in the minority that thinks the Nuggets have a team in place that can contend. They need to be kicked in the ass to show some heart on the defensive side of the ball, but they have the athletes to be able to play D if they buy in. It's not likely that they'll win a title with the current team without a drastic change in attitude and philosophy (maybe a coaching change?), but they really aren't that far off. They won 50 games last year with their pre-season starting PG and PF both missing the majority of the season. Christ, Anthony Carter started 67 games for them last season... ANTHONY CARTER!! Don't get me wrong, I like AC.... he's just not an NBA starting point guard. I guess I just don't see the need to blow up the entire Nuggets roster and future yet. We have Melo, JR Smith, Nene and Kleiza who are all under the age of 25, hopefully Thursday's draft can bring in our future PG or possibly Marcus Camby's eventual replacement. But let's not trade a guy who's going to be an All-Star for the next 8+ seasons for half of his value just because he hasn't won a playoff series yet.... Or because he likes to drink and drive... or because he likes to take weed to the airport, or get into slap fights, or talk about killing snitches, or call out his teammates as quitters to the media.... Dammit Melo... get your shit together. It's getting pretty hard to keep defending you.

What KG is Really Saying

Now that the NBA season is over and my preseason NBA predictions went horribly wrong, we'll have to deal with yet more verbal fellating of a Boston sporting team.... But I would like to focus on the fellating of on Kevin Garnett. You see, he and the media like to fancy KG as some sort of tough guy, someone you'd never want to engage in a round of fisticuffs. And with all of the screaming, shit-talking and chest pounding, he puts up a fairly convincing front. However, evidence shows that when actually challenged to a physical confrontation, KG turns into a ball throwing, air-slapping, back-peddling bitch. So what is KG really saying when mean-mugging and pounding his chest like a roided out gorilla on the court? Well, it obviously involves plenty of swearing and use of the F(aggot) word.... But given his rather girlish nature when actually fighting, it's most likely nothing tough at all..... "Fuck! I forgot to pick up my muthaFUCKIN' dry-cleaning yesterday!!!" "I gotta take "27 Dresses" back to Blockbuster after the game... You can't be havin' no muthaFUCKIN' late charges KG!!!" I can't wait for "The Bill Engvall Show" to start... that muthaFUCKA will be even funnier than "Frank TV"!!! Did I forget to turn off the muthaFUCKIN' iron before I left??!?! Somebody better explain to me just how the FUCK Locke got off that muthaFUCKIN' island yo!! Someone's bitch ass ate my muthafuckin' cottage cheese out the fridge today son! I had to pick up some Goddamn KFC son!! KG's gotta eat healthy muthaFUCKA!! I told my punk-ass wife not to buy those burgundy drapes.... they clash with the muthaFUCKIN' ottoman bitch!! How come nobody at "Dancing With the Stars" has called me back about my audition tape?!?!  I gotta get the motherfuckin' oil changed on my muthaFUCKIN' Miata tomorrow!! I gotta get some more muthaFUCKIN' wine spritzers before I get home tonight! I forgot to put out the Goddamn cat food before I left!! Tinkerbell is gon' be hungry as FUCK when I get back yo!

Where are the Homers?

As our dozens of readers have probably noticed.... the Homers have been out of commission for quite some time. What's going on with them you ask? Well, we could make excuses about new jobs, new children, mental instability, possible incarceration, an extended drug binge, etc... but we can't lie to you. The truth is this.... We just went fishing. See? Here is a totally real picture from the trip.... which included myself, John Elway, Carmelo Anthony, Moe Cheeks and Andre Miller.... Forty Duece and Brainz were taking the picture. That's why we weren't blogging.... Why don't you believe me??? No, that is NOT photo-shopped! We always go on vacation with those dudes! So now that we're done with our totally sweet and successful fishing trip... I'm going to start blogging again. Just to forewarn you, some of my posts may have nothing at all to do with Colorado or sports... But until we get Deadly Hippos up and running again, I need a place to talk about shit like drinking, girls, the movie "Predator", racist natural disasters, and whatever the hell else I feel like talking about. Talk to you soon....

Linkage...

Well.... It's been nearly a month since we posted anything new on this blog, and I can't really think of a good excuse for it outside of just being lazy. But this morning the immortal words of Morgan Freeman entered my head and told me "to get busy bloggin', or get busy dyin'", and with the sultry baritone of MF ringing in my ears I realized what I had to do..... A link dump. Sure it's a cop out, but it will have to do for now... along with a promise of much more content from now on. - If you haven't already checked it out, it looks like outstanding blog www.firegeorgekarl.com isn't only picking up steam, it may actually succeed thanks to Karl's idiot lawyer. - With the Rockies defying my predictions and actually signing most of the guys from last year's team, I may have to start caring about baseball again. - Javon Walker is now a Raider. Nice move Javon, just ask Randy Moss, Jerry Porter, and every single other Oakland WR of the past 5 years how much fun that is. It's probably a lot better than playing next to Brandon Marshall though. Although, I guess if he found someone dumb enough to pay him $55 million over 6 years, it doesn't really matter what team he's playing for. Way to go Al Davis!! - Looks like the Birdman is ready to fly again. And this time it won't be in the Highlands Ranch Rec League. - Champ's little bro a Bronco? I'm all for it. In fact, I'd like to populate the entire defense with members of Bailey's family. - Finally, Forty Duece sent me this earlier today. A bizarre and hilarious short movie made by E's hot girlfriend in Entourage.... which is just 3 minutes of Baron Davis roller-skating to New Edition in short shorts and a tank top. Update - The "making of" the Baron Davis video can be seen here... (Thanks JP)

A Great Day for the Buffs

Today is national signing day for high school recruits and it has been one f-ing outstanding day to be a Buff. Not only did we sign everyone on our commitment list, but we also landed RB Rodney Stewart from Columbus, Ohio and Paul Vigo from New Brunswick, NJ. Stewart is small but runs a 4.4, so he will most likely be used as a return specialist. Vigo is listed as an athlete, I think he'll probably end up a safety though. Oh, and we shored up the punter situation too. We signed one of the top punters out of California, a guy who averaged nearly 48 yards per punt this past season. And he also happens to be the top RB in the nation. That's right, we got Darrell Scott!! Just a huge signing for the Buffs! Not only will he be an impact player on the field, but the publicity of him signing, and the fact that the #1 RB recruit in the nation chose CU, will only help with future recruiting. Scott is 6'1" 210lbs and runs a legit 4.32 forty. Recruiting experts have said that he is the most talented RB to come out of California since Reggie Bush. With Darrell Scott signing today, along with Major, Katoa, Givens, Mohler, Deehan, Polk, Tuioti-Mariner, and the rest of the boys, CU very well could end up with a Top 15 ranked class. Not bad for a team that was 2-10 two seasons ago and 6-7 last year. Congrats to Darrell and all of our other commitments for making the wise decision to join the Buff family. Congrats to the coaching staff for an outstanding job this recruiting cycle. The future is bright Buff fans! Here's a little something I doctored up to celebrate Scott's decision. Here is a look at everyone who signed their letter of intent today: Name                Position       Stars*     Height      Weight       40          Hometown Darrell Scott         RB              5            6-0             204          4.4          Ventura, CA Lynn Katoa            LB              4            6-2             220          4.6          Salt Lake City, UT Bryce Given           OL             4            6-6             257            5.1          Denver, CO Jon Major              LB              4           6-4             230           4.5          Parker, CO Shaun Mohler       LB              4           6-3              225           4.6          Costa Mesa, CA Max Tuioti- Mariner                 OL              4           6-4             300             5            Corona, CA Ryan Deehan        TE               4           6-4             228           4.78        Poway, CA Ray Polk                RB              4           6-0             195            4.47        Phoenix, AZ Curtis Cunningham          DT              3           6-2             262           4.87        Littleton, CO Ryan Dannewitz    OL              3           6-6             276            5.2          San Jacinto, CA Chance Blackmon WR             3           6-3             185            4.54        Tatum, TX Stephen Hicks       DB              3          5-10            175            4.43        Whitehouse, TX Will Pericak           LB              3           6-4             247           4.88        Boulder, CO Doug Rippy            LB              3           6-2             218            -              Trotwood, OH Tyler Hansen         QB             3           6-1              185           4.69         Temecula, CA Patrick Mahnke    DB              3          6-2              183           4.62        Highlands Ranch, CO Ryan Wallace        TE              3           6-4              217           4.8          Bowling Green, KY Paul Vigo              ATH            2          6-1               172           4.5          New Brunswick, NJ Vince Ewing          DB              2          6-0              190           4.68        Carlsbad, CA Rodney Stewart    RB              2          5-7               170           4.4          Columbus, OH * Stars based off of Rivals.com ratings. Go Buffs!

The Most Important Book In the History of Man

OK Colorado fans.... It is finally here! The book that I co-wrote with former Buff teammate DJ Harrison, Clay Travis of CBSSports.com, Chris Shaw and the rest of the Deadly Hippos is finally available for purchase. It dropped nationwide this morning and should be at your local Barnes & Noble and Borders. Or, if you don't enjoy leaving the sanctity of your home, you can buy it online here. So please, go out and get yourself a copy of this book. Every man, woman and child NEEDS this! In fact, critics have called it "the most amazing thing in the history of the world!" That critic was my mom.... but that doesn't mean she's not absolutely correct! Go get yourself one (or 10... they make great Valentine's Day / Super Bowl gifts!), I guarantee you will laugh your asses off. While you're anxiously awaiting for your copy to arrive, here's a video I put together in honor of the book release:

My 2 Cents on Darrell Scott

Today's the big day in our pursuit of Darrell Scott. Today's the day we send all of the troops into the Scott household (seven coaches in all is what I've heard) and do our best to persuade him to don the Black and Gold, and lead our Buffs to at least three consecutive National Championships. Today could be remembered as one of the greatest days in Colorado Buffalo history when it's all said and done. And how do I feel about it all? Enough already. I'm tired of it. For those of you who follow CU football and recruiting closely, by now you are very familiar with Darrell Scott. For those of you who don't, Darrell Scott is the top running back recruit for the 2008 cycle who has narrowed his list of schools down to basically CU and Texas, and in the process he has turned both fan-bases into the equivalent of the mass of paparazzi following the Britney Spears train-wreck on a daily basis. "My friend's barber knows Darrell Scott's HS coaches brother.... and he says that Darrell's favorite fruit is an orange! Not good for us." "I hear Darrell Scott talked to a UT fan, and after being asked to do it, he took a picture holding the hook 'em horns hand signal! We are F@*@*D!!" "My inside source said that Darrell talks to his uncle (and best friend) Josh Smith every day! He's a CU lock." I can't take this shit anymore!! Don't get me wrong, I would be ecstatic if Darrell chose to come to CU. I'd fall on my knees and thank the football Gods for hours on end for bestowing their grace upon my beloved Buffs. (Then I would spend the next several days praying that he won't blow out a knee before he reaches his potential. See; Houston, Marcus.) I would be more excited than ever at the potential of our rebuilding program. And how would I feel if he signs with Texas? Pretty much the same. And it's not out of the question. If we realistically look at CU through the eyes of a 17/18 year old recruit what do we see? A team that hasn't won a conference title since they were 10/11 years old? A team that hasn't won a National Championship since before they were born... or maybe they were 1 year old? Not really impressive to a high school kid. But it doesn't really matter. See, with or without Scott we will still have a Top 25 recruiting class this season. One of the best in recent memory. Probably the best since Marcus Houston and Craig Ochs were part of the 2000 recruiting class. We still have arguably the top LB class in the nation with 4*'s Lynn Katoa, Jon Major, Shaun Mohler and 3*'s Doug Rippy and Will Pericek. We are building on the strength of last season's offensive line recruiting class with the addition of 4* players Bryce Givens and Max Tuioti- Mariner, and 3* tackle Ryan Dannewitz. We are adding some very talented TE's in 4* Ryan Deehan and potentially 4* Jake Murphy (son of Dale Murphy) and 3* Ryan Wallace, a former Louisville commit. We have stud 3* DT Curtis Cunningham from Columbine HS, who impressed at the Under Armour All-American game, 3* DB's Patrick Mahnke and Stephen Hicks, 3* WR Chance Blackmon, and the impressive 3* QB from Southern California, Tyler Hansen. Oh yeah, and even if we don't end up with Darrell Scott, we still have the #11 ranked RB in the country Ray Polk already signed. What I'm saying is we will be fine with or without him. Although.... with all that said, I still am praying that Darien Hagan, Brian Cabral and the fellas win over Darrell Scott with every once of charm and conviction in their bodies. That by the end of today we start hearing the rumors that Darrell gave us his commitment during the visit... and he's calling all of the unsigned Top 100 players left in the country to convince them to join him at CU.... and he has guaranteed at least 3 consecutive 1,000 yard seasons, Big 12 titles, and National Championships before he leaves Boulder..... But it probably won't happen. We most likely won't have any clue about his intentions until National Signing Day on February 6th. So until then let's all just relax, and let's all remember what we already have. We have an up and coming program with a coaching staff dedicated to returning us to national prominence. We have the best recruiting class in 8 years ALREADY committed to the program, and anything else is just gravy. So let's all talk about something else for a while.... Like the movie Cloverfield, the #1 movie in America which happens to be written by CU Alum (and friend to myself and Forty Duece) Drew Goddard. That movie was AWESOME!! GO BUFFS!!

Take that Boston!

The NBA announced the starters for this year's All-Star game last night, and Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson got the starting nod for the Western Conference. How many starters did the amazing Boston Celtics produce? Only one. HAHA! Suck it Boston! I knew we'd eventually beat you in something! It seems very likely that Marcus Camby may get a reserve spot as well, giving the Nuggets 3 All-Stars this season. So who's the "Big 3" now Boston??!? And no, I don't have any pent up hate for all Boston sports teams right now.... why do you ask?

.... Like Shalamar in '81

Imagine being asked this question a month ago: Who will score 40 points in an NBA game first? Kevin Durant or Linas Kleiza? Linas Kleiza blew up last night for 41 points in the Nuggets 120-109 victory over the Utah Jazz. That's right, Linas Kleiza scored 40 points in an NBA game.... Linas. Kleiza. In fact, Kleiza scored 40 in an NBA game before a number of big name current players like Ron Artest, Caron Butler, Brad Miller, Dikembe Mutombo, Tony Parker, Eddie Jones, Dwight Howard, and Chauncey Billups His 41 is more than the career highs of Sam Cassell (40), Brian Scalabrine (29), and even Mark Madsen (15). I think it's safe to say that Kleiza's 41 last night is one of the most random scoring outbursts of the past 20 years. I say 20 years because that's where the majority of my basketball knowledge lies. I really can't discuss the validity of Joe Fulks going off for 63 back in 1949, or Phil Chenier getting 53 against Portland back in 1972. So here are some of the other random scoring binges of the past 20 years: - Tony Delk getting 53 for Phoenix in 2001 against the Timberwolves. Delk averaged 9.1 ppg over 10 NBA seasons with a season best of 12.3 ppg. Then on January 2nd, 2001 against what was one of his 8 former NBA teams the Sacramento Kings, Delk shot 20-27 from the field and 13-15 from the free throw line on his way to a grand total of 53 points... and perhaps the most random 50 point game in the history of the NBA. - Willie Burton scoring 53 points for the Philadelphia 76ers against the Miami Heat in 1993. Willie Burton. You all remember him right? Willie played 8 seasons in the NBA for five different teams with a career scoring average of 10.3 points per game. He did have a season best 15.3 ppg average in the 1994-95 season. He followed that up with 3 consecutive scoring years of 6.2ppg, 2.1 ppg, 1.3 ppg, then forced retirement. However, Willie didn't get his 53 in that fabled 94-95 season. No, he got his 53 in the 93-94 season when he averaged a monster 7 ppg. Which makes it all the more random. - Tracy Murray scoring 50 for the Washington Bullets against  Golden State in 1998. Murray was one of those super streaky shooters  that could get on a roll and light teams up. Granted, he only averaged 9 ppg for his career and only averaged in double figures in 4 of 12 NBA seasons, but he apparently could still light teams up since he scored 50 points in a game once. - Luke Jackson scores 30 for Toronto vs. Philly ’07. Up until the final game of last season, Luke Jackson had played 3 seasons in the NBA, logging 59 games played and about 3 ppg during his stint. Then, Jackson (playing for Toronto at the time) blew up for 30 points on 12-16 shooting in the team's last game of '07. Jackson then took his 30 point NBA game, tucked it in his pocket, and disappeared for several months. Then in mid-December, the Miami Heat waived Penny Hardaway and picked up Luke (I think he might have had 30 in a D-League game right before that). Luke has been going off since returning to the NBA to the tune of 3.7 ppg. - Beno Udrih scoring 27 for Sacramento vs. Spurs early this year. In 3 seasons with the San Antonio Spurs, Udrih averaged roughly 5 ppg, seeing his numbers steadily decrease each season. Then he was traded to the T-Wolves this past off-season whom immediately cut him. He was then signed by the Sacramento Kings and was forced into playing time Mike Bibby went down with an injury during the preseason. The thing that made this game stand out was the fact that it occurred in the first few weeks of the season when the Kings beat Udrih’s former team the Spurs. Udrih has actually had a pretty solid year playing for the injured Bibby. But unfortunately for Beno, Bibby played for the first time on Wednesday night and Beno went back to being Beno... scoring 3 points. These are just a few that I remembered. I'm sure there are more. I remember Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf going off for 51 in a game back in the 93-94 season. But Mahmoud would do that sometimes..... and then he would bark, scream "FUCK SHIT COCKSUCKER!!!" and untie and retie his shoe-laces over and over.

Nene's Down 1 Ball

The truth behind Nene's recent mysterious health problem came to light yesterday, a testicular tumor. It's unclear as to whether the tumor was cancerous or benign. But the prognosis looks good as Nene's website temporarily had an update saying it was benign (it was later taken down) and doctors saying they got to it very early. I'm pretty sure that in the list of things men do NOT want to hear their doctors say, "you have a tumor on your nut" is right up there with "the baby is yours", "I was right, it IS gonorrhea", and "you have a toothpick fish in your pee-hole". But even if it is cancerous, it sounds like it was caught at an early enough stage that Nene may be back as early as a few weeks. This is good news. And don't worry Nene, there are plenty of other fellas out there who have gone on to do great things with just one nut. Lance Armstrong lost a ball, then did this: John Kruk was diagnosed in 1994, and came back to play and do this. Jose Molina (the Spanish goalie) went on to save goals and stuff. Scott Hamilton continued Ice Skating and looking like this: Tom Green went on to suck goat teet and freestyle battle with Xzibit: See! This isn't the end for our big Brazilian. So here's to a speedy recovery for Nene.... so he can come back to suffer some other random injury.

Champ's got your back Jay

I didn't see this until this morning, but Champ Bailey pretty much called out Philip Rivers taunting Monday night with a verbal bitch-slap. You can read the full article here, but here are the highlights: "And I don't really care for the guy, first of all," Bailey said of Rivers. "He's not a respectable guy right now because you talk too much trash and do this and that, but you're really not a great player in this league right now. "You're surrounded by great players, but you're not a great player. I think he needs to understand where he stands in this league - where he stands on his team first and foremost." "They've got a lot of classy guys on that team," Bailey said. "He kind of represents the classless guy on that team. He's definitely lost my respect." Rivers claims he was just congratulating his defense on a good 4th down stop.... despite all of the visual evidence to suggest that he was indeed talking shit. Whatever you say Philip. But I think you have some apologizing to do to some virgins.

The Denver Broncos- Losing Like it's 1999

In the spirit of the Christmas season, I want to try to refrain from being too negative about the state of the Broncos. So here it goes..... If we lose on Sunday, we will end up with a first round pick in the #8-10 range. That's a pretty good pick! By letting LaDainian Tomlinson run all over our defense, the Broncos helped me win my fantasy title! ....... That's all I got to say about that. About the Chargers game, I only have a couple of things to say: - Philip Rivers; you should never talk shit to anyone... ever. You suck dude. Thank God everyday that you play on a team with LaDainian, Antonio Gates, and your defense. They hide your significant shortcomings. Your own fans have spent the majority of the season booing you, they all wish they still had Drew Brees. - How soft is our team? Can you imagine if someone had taunted John Elway like that back in the day? Keith Bishop would have snapped some femurs. - Jay Cutler is starting to get some heat because of his record (8-12 in his first 20 starts) and his interceptions (14 through 15 games this season). But let's not get carried away. Peyton Manning went 3-13 in his first season as a starter and threw 28 interceptions that year. In Troy Aikman's first season starting in Dallas they went 1-15 (0-11 in games Aikman started) and he threw 9 TDs with 18 INTs. I'm not saying that Cutler will end up as good as either of these guys, but let's give him another year or two before we hit the panic button. I'm more concerned with what appears to be a "I don't give a fuck" attitude about losing all of these games. I always picture him standing on the sideline, holding onto his shoulder pads with both hands, hat on tilted a little to the side, and a seemingly stoned look on his face. How about just a little emotion Jay? Just something to show us that you realize that you aren't just wasted playing Madden against your buddies, and that you actually care. So now that we are guaranteed our first losing season in 8 years, I thought I'd dig up some facts about what was going on in the world the last time the Broncos had a losing season: - Dr. Dre had just released his Chronic 2001 album, and introduced the world to Marshal Mathers aka Eminem. - The Matrix and American Pie were in movie theaters. - Britney Spears had just turned 18, and was not yet considered a drunken slut. - The Backstreet Boys were the biggest music group in the world. - George W. Bush decided to run for President. - Y2K fear was gripping the nation. - The Sega Dreamcast was introduced. - People were still able to party like it was 1999. Those were good times.... So how long does Mike Shanahan get a pass? Since Elway retired we have won a grand total of ONE playoff game in 9 seasons. We've been to the playoffs only 4 of 9 years, and haven't been to the Super Bowl once. Remember, we went to the Super Bowl in 5 of Elway's last 12 seasons. At what point to we start pointing the finger at Shanahan? I understand that we were hit pretty hard by injuries this year, but so were the Indianapolis Colts.... and they are 13-2. We have had the same problems on offense for years, namely production in the red-zone. I don't know if it's play calling, the overall offensive scheme, undersized lineman, or a combination of all three.... but the problem has not been fixed. And that has to fall on the old Mastermind himself. Now here's the problem with looking for a new coach; you have to upgrade over your old coach or what's the point in making a change? And what coach is available out there that would be an upgrade over Mike Shanahan? See. This is the problem I run into everytime I'm arguing with Brainz that we should axe Shanahan.... who else is better? I guess an argument could be made for Bill Cowher, but he has said that he isn't going to look into coaching again until 2009. So what's the answer? I don't know. I think we should fire Jim Bates though. Our defense was an absolute joke this season. We are currently 30th in the league in rush defense and it could have been worse if we weren't blown out of so many games. I think we need to draft an LB in the first round. If we are somewhere between #8-10 we should have a shot at James Laurinaitis, or we could pick a DT or Safety in the top 10 and get Jordan Dizon in the 2nd or 3rd round. Our offense was still pretty potent despite the injuries, so I think this draft should be completely focused on the defensive side of the ball. So here's to the Broncos tanking this Sunday to get us as high a draft pick as possible... then we can be done with this God awful season and start giving our full attention to a couple of winning teams, the Nuggets and Avalanche.

Random Thoughts....

It's been a few weeks since we've posted an update here at Homers. Just some quick thoughts, and I'll have CU update up later..... - I'm still reeling from the revelation that one of the greatest pitchers in MLB history was using steroids. Sure, we all suspected guys like Bonds and Benito Santiago of getting a little help from the juice, but now we find out that Denny Neagle was using???? Consider my world rocked. Just so you know, I judge the greatness of a pitcher solely on their salary and shockingly poor taste in prostitutes. - Todd "Fat Arms" Sauerbrun was released by the Broncos yesterday. As he was leaving Dove Valley he could be heard screaming from his car "God damn you Devin Hester!!!!" Here's an interesting sidenote; Sauerbrun, Pacman Jones, and Chris Henry all attended West Virginia University. Yet Sauerbrun is the only one of them to be kicked off of three NFL teams. Don't worry about Sauerbrun though, I'm sure he'll get another shot somewhere. And if he doesn't, he's still got his huge biceps, rad Oakley shades, and a kick-ass tribal band tattoo going for him. So he'll have absolutely no problem getting laid in New Jersey. - The Broncos only ended up with one player (Champ Bailey) making the Pro Bowl. That number seems about right. I think Brandon Marshall was close to a Pro Bowl level this year, but he's not going to make it in the AFC. Same with Jay Cutler. I don't think Cutler was on that level this year, but he will always have a tough time getting in. We're talking about a conference that includes Brady, Manning, Roethlisburger, Palmer, AND Kyle Boller. And they only take three. Seriously can you even make a case for another Broncos player to be in the Pro Bowl? Nalen missed most of the season, there is no way you can reward a guy like DJ Williams when our run D was so pathetic. Dre Bly was decent, but not great. The ONLY player who might have a complaint is Elvis Dumervil. I mean, he does have 11 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, and an interception even though most NFL scouts consider him a midget. Not bad stats for a little person. With Elvis' freakishly long arms, I wonder if he'd be good at dwarf throwing? Or basketball.... - I think the biggest Pro Bowl snub would have to be Mario Williams. The guy does lead the AFC in sacks and he did single handedly destroy the Broncos O-Line last Thursday. I think that voters weren't quite ready to admit that they were wrong about him when he was drafted, I can't think of any other reason why he shouldn't be in. I'm sure all the chowds feel like their Caucasian sensation Wes Welker was snubbed. But that's just their closet racism talking. Just kidding, i'm sure they're not all racist. Afterall, New Edition is from Boston. - Nene has been given clearance to start full practices on Friday. Hopefully, since he was only out with a thumb injury, he was able to stay somewhat in good shape. Given Nene's history this isn't a likely scenario. I'm a little worried he might come back looking like Tony Soprano in the final season. We also should have Chucky Atkins back soon. They are projecting his return sometime shortly after Christmas. So in the next week we could finally see the Nuggets at full strength for the first time this year. Well, we still won't have Steven Hunter for another six weeks, but we'll be healthier than we've been all year. If Chucky can play even remotely close to the level he was at during the final few weeks of last season, we should be pretty damn tough to beat. In other Nugget related news. DerMarr Johnson was back in town this week playing with the Austin Toros of the D-League against our very own Colorado 14ers! The Teeners and Toros squared off back to back nights, with our boys sweeping both games. DJ looked pretty good, getting 16 points each night. You know, I always liked DerMarr. And unlike most of the squares in this town, I didn't give a damn how ridiculously he spelled his first name. I looked past his name, to the player that never lived up to his potential. Also, the name is not that strange. I believe the German translation of DerMarr is "that goop" or "the goop", depending on the context.

Greatest SportsCenter Commercials

ESPN.com is currently running a poll for the greatest SportCenter commercial of all-time. There are definitely some funny ones on there, and it is worth a browse. However, in my opinion, they left off the two greatest SportsCenter commercials ever created. And thanks to the magic of the Youtubes.... I have found them. #2:   The Big Buddy Commercial: What I love about this clip..... - The NBA ballers playing with them, Sam Cassell (alien invading our planet), and big Jason Williams (shot his limo driver in the chest with a shotgun)... exactly the "heroes" whom every kid dreams of playing some hoops with. - That kid taking it soft to the hole against Stu Scott. Bring it hard or don't bring it at all junior! The paint ain't for pussies! - The sheer shooter's mentality shown by Mayne and Scott, they always want the shot. - Kenny Mayne's unparalleled lockdown D. Word is that Bruce Bowen saw this commercial and it completely changed his life, as he would later model his entire defensive philosophy after Mayne's performance. #1:   The Gheorghe Muresan Dance Commercial: What I love about this..... - The tape cassette beatbox playing the theme music. I think I had that same one back in HS. - It is easily the greatest thing ESPN has ever contributed to Americana. - How Ravich, Mayne and Muresan made white people across the world feel better about their own ability to dance after watching this. - How this proves that a giant man and a tiny man, dancing side by side, will always be funny. - How Kenny Mayne (like myself) is not a man who is able to turn down an opportunity to get busy to a funky beat.

Nebraska Sucks

Two days before the big game and I don't have much pre-game analysis outside of that. Nebraska sucks, I hate them. I was thinking of writing something about the keys to the game. How we needed to establish the run and push the pink shirts around, get pressure on Joe Ganz and force him to make mistakes, how we need Kevin Eberhart to not miss a field goal inside 40 yards.... But none of it matters. The only thing that matters is that I hate Nebraska. And hopefully all of our players share my sentiments. Really that's what this game comes down to. The players have been flat the last few weeks. Maybe the Freshman have hit a wall. Playing in the Big 12 can take a lot out of an 18 year old kid. But this is what they signed up for, and it's time for them to suck it up for one last game and play up to their potential. And for the Seniors, it's a chance to be redeemed for all of the shit they've had to endure during their time at CU. From the rape accusations, to Barnett's messy departure, to last season's shocking display of suckery.... they now have a shot at being the class that started to turn the program, that first team that got us back on track. They all have a lot to play for on Friday. We have a chance to finish the season .500 and be bowl eligible. We have a chance to knock Nebraska out of a possible bowl bid for only the 2nd time in nearly 40 years, and have them finish at the bottom of the Big 12 North. We have a chance to both embarrass the Bugeaters and salvage this once promising season. Looking back, at the beginning of the year I probably could have lived with a 5-7 season after last year's disaster. But not anymore. Not after the wins against Oklahoma, and on the road at Texas Tech. After a 4-2 start and a win over a top 5 team, this is a team that is good enough to be in a Bowl game. Anything less will be a disappointment. That said, I'll be there in Folsom Field on Friday morning.... freezing my balls off, drinking until I puke, and screaming until I'm horse. Here are some videos to get you fired up for the game: This may be my earliest Buff memory: And we can't have the CU vs. Nebraska game without reliving 62-36, the game that killed a program: GO BUFFS!!