The Denver Broncos- Losing Like it's 1999

In the spirit of the Christmas season, I want to try to refrain from being too negative about the state of the Broncos. So here it goes..... If we lose on Sunday, we will end up with a first round pick in the #8-10 range. That's a pretty good pick! By letting LaDainian Tomlinson run all over our defense, the Broncos helped me win my fantasy title! ....... That's all I got to say about that. About the Chargers game, I only have a couple of things to say: - Philip Rivers; you should never talk shit to anyone... ever. You suck dude. Thank God everyday that you play on a team with LaDainian, Antonio Gates, and your defense. They hide your significant shortcomings. Your own fans have spent the majority of the season booing you, they all wish they still had Drew Brees. - How soft is our team? Can you imagine if someone had taunted John Elway like that back in the day? Keith Bishop would have snapped some femurs. - Jay Cutler is starting to get some heat because of his record (8-12 in his first 20 starts) and his interceptions (14 through 15 games this season). But let's not get carried away. Peyton Manning went 3-13 in his first season as a starter and threw 28 interceptions that year. In Troy Aikman's first season starting in Dallas they went 1-15 (0-11 in games Aikman started) and he threw 9 TDs with 18 INTs. I'm not saying that Cutler will end up as good as either of these guys, but let's give him another year or two before we hit the panic button. I'm more concerned with what appears to be a "I don't give a fuck" attitude about losing all of these games. I always picture him standing on the sideline, holding onto his shoulder pads with both hands, hat on tilted a little to the side, and a seemingly stoned look on his face. How about just a little emotion Jay? Just something to show us that you realize that you aren't just wasted playing Madden against your buddies, and that you actually care. So now that we are guaranteed our first losing season in 8 years, I thought I'd dig up some facts about what was going on in the world the last time the Broncos had a losing season: - Dr. Dre had just released his Chronic 2001 album, and introduced the world to Marshal Mathers aka Eminem. - The Matrix and American Pie were in movie theaters. - Britney Spears had just turned 18, and was not yet considered a drunken slut. - The Backstreet Boys were the biggest music group in the world. - George W. Bush decided to run for President. - Y2K fear was gripping the nation. - The Sega Dreamcast was introduced. - People were still able to party like it was 1999. Those were good times.... So how long does Mike Shanahan get a pass? Since Elway retired we have won a grand total of ONE playoff game in 9 seasons. We've been to the playoffs only 4 of 9 years, and haven't been to the Super Bowl once. Remember, we went to the Super Bowl in 5 of Elway's last 12 seasons. At what point to we start pointing the finger at Shanahan? I understand that we were hit pretty hard by injuries this year, but so were the Indianapolis Colts.... and they are 13-2. We have had the same problems on offense for years, namely production in the red-zone. I don't know if it's play calling, the overall offensive scheme, undersized lineman, or a combination of all three.... but the problem has not been fixed. And that has to fall on the old Mastermind himself. Now here's the problem with looking for a new coach; you have to upgrade over your old coach or what's the point in making a change? And what coach is available out there that would be an upgrade over Mike Shanahan? See. This is the problem I run into everytime I'm arguing with Brainz that we should axe Shanahan.... who else is better? I guess an argument could be made for Bill Cowher, but he has said that he isn't going to look into coaching again until 2009. So what's the answer? I don't know. I think we should fire Jim Bates though. Our defense was an absolute joke this season. We are currently 30th in the league in rush defense and it could have been worse if we weren't blown out of so many games. I think we need to draft an LB in the first round. If we are somewhere between #8-10 we should have a shot at James Laurinaitis, or we could pick a DT or Safety in the top 10 and get Jordan Dizon in the 2nd or 3rd round. Our offense was still pretty potent despite the injuries, so I think this draft should be completely focused on the defensive side of the ball. So here's to the Broncos tanking this Sunday to get us as high a draft pick as possible... then we can be done with this God awful season and start giving our full attention to a couple of winning teams, the Nuggets and Avalanche.

Jay Cutler kinda sucks but could be good someday...

Just a quick post. Hopefully you all watched the new South Park on Wednesday night. If you missed it, they had some hilarious references to local Denver "celebrities" and a nice little shot at Jay Cutler. Here's the video: Hopefully there's nothing like a little South Park roasting to get Cutler to start playing more consistent. I only wish they would have shown Irv and Joe at the party, face deep in coke and hookers. Now that would have been awesome.

Monday Night Mancrush

Tony Kornheiser is going to have lockjaw in the morning. After spending the last four hours verbally and mentally fellating Brett Favre, ESPN got what they wanted and I felt like vomitting all over my flat screen. What they got was the dramatic overtime touchdown pass by Brett Favre to win the game and hours of mancrush material for Tony Kornheiser and the rest of the staff at ESPN. Seriously, I know that Brett Favre is good. Everyone knows Brett Favre is good. But how many highlights do I have to see? For Christ sake, how many times do I have to listen to his wife during a game? I'm not sure that the rest of us have heard our own wives / girlfriends speak that much during a single half of football. And how many times can the phrase "gunslinger" be used during a single broadcast? Answer: 637. I get it Tony. I really do. He tries to make crazy throws. But how about we just watch him play instead of taking turns attempting to make sweet love to his legend during a broadcast. (I think my favorite part of the broadcast was when Ron Jaworski was mentioning Jay Cutler's arm-strength yet again, and Tony Kornheiser accused him of having a mancrush on Cutler. Shortly after that, Kornheiser began to explain how good Brett Favre looks with his shirt off, and how he can solve global warming with one of his rocket, gunslinger passes!) And after the miracle of manhood that is Brett Favre unleashed hell upon us, all of us in Denver had to suffer through yet another Broncos home loss. What has happened to this franchise? We've now lost six out of the last nine home games played at Invesco Field (they need to drop the Mile High from the name quickly, the old Mile High Stadium is losing it's legend by the week). Remember the good old days at the old Mile High Stadium? When the rafters would shake so loud that you were virtually certain that the entire stadium would collapse? When a 6-2 home record was a terrible season? Now look at us. 4-4 at home last season, and 2-3 so far this season. And I have no clue why it's happening. First the positives. Jay Cutler showed the ability once again to make a drive when we need it. For the 4th time this season, he has led us down the field to a game tying or winning drive in the final seconds. Brandon Marshall finally showed up on the last drive too, showing his amazing ability to make something happen after the catch. Consequently, the game ended at roughly 10pm MST, which means that Marshall will be legally drunk by 12:30, and get his DUI by 2:00am. Actually, maybe he only rolls like that on Sunday nights. I know I do. Another positive is Jason Elam. I feel pretty confident that he's proven his ability to kick a last second field goal at this point. Selvin Young also looked good in his first start. It's funny, at the beginning of this season I had a bet with my step-dad that Selvin Young would be our starting RB by mid-season. I thought it was going to be the result of Mike Shannahan simply attempting to show that he can literally turn anyone into a thousand yard back, but it turns out it's going to be because Travis Henry can't but down the ganj. Either way, I won the bet. Now for the negatives. First off, we have the worst run defense I have ever seen in my roughly 30 years on this planet. Granted, I don't remember too many details about the Broncos defensive prowess before the age of say... 6 years old, but I'm pretty sure that they weren't this bad. Tonight we let a fella by the name of Ryan Grant run for 100 yards against us. You all know Ryan Grant right? He's the 4th string running back on the worst rushing offense in the NFL. No? Still don't remember him? He graduated from Notre Dame in 2004? Still not ringing a bell? Well, he's that dude that just ran for 100 yards against us and, according to the interweb, he has fallen off the planet for the last three years. There is literally no information regarding his whereabouts from graduation in 2004 to a preseason trade from the NY Giants to the Packers at the start of this season. Seriously, check out his Wikipedia page. But that's the beauty of Mike Shannahan's Broncos, we can turn ANYBODY into a 1,000 yard rusher! Second negative. Our lock-down corners got absolutely torched. Maybe that's what makes Brett Favre great. He has that gunslinger mentality and will throw at anyone. At least that's what I heard Kornheiser say several dozen times tonight. Well, he beat Champ for a 79 yard TD to a rookie receiver, and beat Dre Bly for an 82 yard TD to a second year receiver. So maybe there is some truth to that theory. But whatever it was they got lit up like a Christmas tree. Favre threw for 331 yards against us, and 248 of them went to the two guys being locked down by Champ and Dre. Really the only positive of the game on defense was our goal line D. Stopping them twice on the 1 yard line to let former Buff great Mason Crosby get some burn in front of the hometown fans and kick a couple field goals. And what the hell is going on with our red zone offense? How many years has this been a problem for us now? To start the second quarter on the Packers 1 yard line, our own offensive lineman strips the ball from Cutler? It's like watching a bunch of retards try to dribble a basketball when we get inside the twenty. And in the third quarter we have a first and 10 at the Packers 16 and a couple of penalties and a sack later, Elam is trying to kick one in from almost 50 yards. The schedule doesn't get any easier for the Broncos either. We go to the Lions next week, then to Kansas City, back home to play Tennessee, on the road against Oakland and then back home for the Chiefs again. Sure some of those should be winnable games, but the Broncos don't exactly inspire confidence right now. But tonight all comes back to the Brett Favre love-fest. Whether it was the highlights from decades old MNF games, the repeated listing of all of his records (with his interceptions record noticeably absent), the 2+ hours of airtime devoted to his wife (she claims that when he gets hit, it hurts her more than him. Sure it does Deanna. That's why he was addicted to painkillers, because of how badly all of those brutal hits hurt YOU. I usually wouldn't talk about a player's family, but she did put herself on TV for a couple of hours), tonight was all about one thing. Brett Favre. And Tony Kornheiser's unnatural mancrush on him. This begs the question, if Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning,Tony Romo and Bill Bellichek were all in the same room, who would Tony Kornheiser blow first?

An Awesome Broncos Preview

I don't know what to make of our beloved Donks right now. They seem dominant, but then leave us screaming at the TV at the end of every game as we pull a win out of our ass. It has been completely frustrating. So what's the problem? I don't know. But here's what we do know about the team so far after 2 weeks: - #1 ranked offense in NFL. - #3 ranked defense in NFL. - Travis Henry leads the league in rushing yards (and bastard sons) but has 0 TD's. - Jay Cutler is 4th in the NFL in passing yards. - Javon Walker is 6th in the NFL in recieving yards but has 0 TD's. - Only 3 total TD's in first 2 games. - Jason Elam has missed 3 FG's in the first two games (although he's made the game winner in both too, so I guess we can cut him some slack.) So basically once again we are great between the 20's, and suck in the red zone.... again I don't think we have too much to worry about though. With our offense virtually unstoppable and the ability to completely shut down our opponents passing attack, I have a good feeling about this team. Right now it seems like we are still trying to get used to some of the new personnel and how to use them the right way. I'd like to see some looks to Dan Graham in the red zone, and if we are going to throw the fade, we should probably throw it to our 6'4" guy against a 5'10" guy... not to Javon who's got someone equal in size on him. On defense the linebackers are still adapting to their new positions, and our extremely young D-line looks like it's improving daily. So here's my gameplan for this weekends matchup against Jacksonville: Do the exact same thing, only score touchdowns. With this sort of intricate and highly imaginative mental prowess the Broncos will be able to vanquish all foes..... On another note, has anyone out there seen what Adam Morrison looks like right now? It kinda looks like he combined all of Jake Plummer's greatest haircuts into one stunningly awesome look. Check it out: One part: and one part: Equals: Thanks to my boy DJ for emailing me that picture all the way from a city called Nancy, France. Keep wearing those capri's buddy... and try not to catch any "gay" while you're living there.

One down, Shakes, one down.

FINALLY IT IS HERE! Football season has started in Denver! The Broncos pulled off a miracle win last night on the biggest stage.... the first pre-season game on Monday Night Football. Just when it looked like the 49ers would snatch the victory away from our beloved Donks, some dude from our 3rd string defense stopped the 49ers 3rd string QB (and his gang of a bunch of guys I've never heard of) on the 3 yard line to secure a hard fought victory. Here are some game notes: 1.) The one drive our starters participated in looked great.... on offense at least. We looked pretty shaky on defense. Our run defense was especially un-inspiring. 2.) If Jay Cutler, Javon Walker, or Travis Henry miss any significant time due to injury or drug usage, we are fucked. 3.) Our equipment managers must be in pre-season form also. I've never seen a game in which so many players lost their helmets. Either that, or they all ditched the "how to adequately secure a chin-strap" workshop the first day of minicamp. 4.) Apparently Bill Walsh was a good coach. Approximately 85% of the broadcast was dedicated to this little known tidbit of football information. 5.) Jay Cutler always looks like a wasted frat guy at the end of a party. Another accurate description could be someone who just walked out of a Cyprus Hill / Snoop Dogg concert. Luckily for us, despite his look of constant intoxication, he is very good at football. 6.) Here is a favor I have to ask of Jay... I want you to dedicate at least 3 days of practice next week to the quarterback SLIDE!!! Former CU Buff Michael Lewis nearly decapitated you on that run. For the love of God get down!! I saw our season flash before my eyes on that play. 7.) How was Patrick Ramsey ever a first round draft choice? He blows. Despite the entire 8 minutes that Mike Turico and Ron Jaworski spent trying to convince the public that Ramsey is actually good, it was just the Redskins offense that stunk.... I feel his play on the field did more than enough arguing against him. His final numbers were 2+ quarters played, 4-10, 45 yards, 1 TD pass, 1 interception, 2 interceptions called back, and one extremely awkward high five. 8.) I thought it was absolutely awesome when Trent Dilfer was going crazy that his coach wouldn't throw the challenge flag with .40 seconds left in the first half, when the booth automatically reviews close plays in the last two minutes. How long has it been since you played in a real game Trent? I also thought it was awesome how he threw an interception on the next play, then tried to blame it on the receiver with Jaws saying "what an absolutely horrible read by Trent Dilfer!" 9.) Travis Henry looked great. He reminds me of that guy on X-Men 3 that can't be stopped once he has gained momentum. He sounded borderline retarded in his post game interview though.... I'm not sure what was going on there, but he is from Tennessee.... 10.) Mike Bell and Cecil Sapp did little to instill any confidence for me. I know they put up decent numbers, but that was against 2nd and 3rd stringers. Can you really imagine either of them stepping in and getting 100 yards per game if Travis Henry goes down? Me either. 11.) We need to get Brandon Marshall and Brandon Stokley healthy. Last night saw David Terrell and Quincy Morgan both get significant playing time despite the fact that it wasn't the year 2002. Although Domenik Hixon looked pretty good. Hixon was a 4th round pick in '06 and missed all of last season with a broken foot. He has impressed the CB's in camp (mainly Champ Bailey) and was a good kick returner in college too with the Akron Zips. (I look for a chance to mention the Akron Zips whenever possible. Go fighting Zips!!) Even though his first name would lead you to believe he was a hockey goalie from the Czech Republic, he should see some PT for the Broncos this year. 12.) Our third string QB looks like most teams middle linebacker. His name is Darrell Hackney. He is 6 foot 240lbs. He went to UAB. That's about all I can tell you about him. He did look better than Patrick Ramsey though. 13.) Monday Night Football needs to get rid of it's mandatory "celebrity" interview mid game. I really didn't need to hear Jerry Rice talk for 45 minutes in the first half. Sometimes it seems like ESPN forgets that there are actual sports going on during their broadcasts. At least it wasn't Cristian Slater again, or somebody like Corey Haim and Corey Feldman pimping their new reality show "The Two Corey's". Actually, scratch that. Having a 45 minute interview with the Two Corey's would have been outstanding! 14.) Mark Fenton got on the field for the Broncos last night. Fenton was yet another casualty from last seasons 2-10 debacle up in Boulder. Fenton was All Big 12 and a Remington Award finalist as a Junior, and started his senior season on the watchlist for every offensive lineman award. Then he got injured and missed half the season, the Buffs were the worst team in the nation, and Fenton goes undrafted. I hope he makes the final roster for the Broncos because he is a very good player and is a potential steal as an undrafted free agent. Overall I felt pretty good about the team after last night's effort. If we can stay healthy we have a shot at a deep playoff run. Cutler looks like things have slowed down a bit for him, Henry looks like a great fit for our running scheme, and with the addition of Dan Graham at TE, and a healthy receiving core we could have an extremely explosive offense. Of course, if Cutler goes down and we hand the keys to Patrick Ramsey all bets are off.

I can't quit you!

After spending the off-season in free-agency, weighing all of his options and narrowing down his list of teams, former CU Buff standout running back "6 Touchdown" Chris Brown is going to sign with the.... Tennessee Titans.... again. They agreed to terms on a new 1 year contract last night. It seems kind of weird to me that someone would re-sign with the team that decided not to renew their contract at the end of last season, but professional football isn't always an easy thing to figure out. And also, sometimes your starting running back shows up to camp looking like he ate Rosie O'Donnell. Brown can thank former Chatfield HS running back Lendale White for his newest bag of money from the Titans. Lendale was given the starting RB job in the beginning of the off-season when the Titans decided not to resign Brown and let Travis Henry go via free-agency. Then White got stung by a bee in the off-season and started swelling exponentially, which resulted in the Titans using a 2nd round pick on a RB and now re-signing Chris Brown. You've gotta love it when you see a young man taking full advantage of great opportunities! Lendale, your job is to play football. And people are willing to pay you millions of dollars to play it. All you have to do is stay in shape. So put down the doughnuts and extra plate of barbecue and jump on the treadmill or something. I'm begging you! As for Brown, he should split carries again for the Titans with White and occasionally rookie RB Chris Henry. But Henry is likely to be commit a handful of crimes before the season starts just by name osmosis. Brown has had an up and down career, running for 1,000 yards in 11 games back in 2004 while averaging nearly 5 yards per carry. Since then he has been plagued by injuries (mostly of the mysterious "turf toe" variety) and shown just enough upside to always warrant a spot at the end of my Fantasy bench year in and year out. Actually, no matter what he does in the NFL, he will always have a home on my fantasy team for this: As a Colorado Buffalo, I owe him that much.... we all do. In other important fantasy football news, here's how our Broncos rated out in the inaugural player position rankings at CBS Sportsline: - Jay Cutler #9 QB - Travis Henry #10 RB - Javon Walker #10 WR - Brandon Marshall #49 WR - Dan Graham #18 TE - Tony Scheffler #19 TE - Jason Elam #4 K - Broncos #6 DST The Cutler rating jumps out at me. I think he is going to have a season that will either put him in the top 5 of fantasy QB's or he'll be like an Eli Manning (who ranked at #17 for QB's). Travis Henry is ranked about right considering the other RB's in the league, same goes for Javon. I think that Brandon Marshall is going to have a breakout season though and should end up somewhere in the top 20 fantasy receivers. Much like our real season, the fantasy numbers will all fall on Cutler's shoulders. We have the potential to be a dangerous, high scoring offense if Cutler can handle the wheel. I'm in. I think he can do it. But I'm a homer. He'll have a few ups and downs, but with the talent we've surrounded him with I think he can get it done. Plus Champ and Dre will pretty much keep other teams from using that tricky "forward pass" against us, so the defense should keep us in most games. God I can't wait for football to start.