Monday, April 23, 2007

Playoff Notes

I spent most of Saturday night and all day Sunday and my local Wings, drinking beer eating hot wings and fries, watching all manner of sport, and basically just having a mantastic weekend. Here are some of my thoughts from the first weekend of the playoffs:

Pistons vs. Magic-

The Magic are truly over matched in this series. I can see this being a sweep with no victories over 12 points, yet none of the games ever really being in doubt. It's good to see Darko Milicic wasn't fazed by the smattering of boos he endured during the first game. My boy DJ forwarded me the quote, here is what he said about it:

"I don't really care,'' he insisted. "Back home fans used to throw baseball (bats) at me. They used to try to kill me back home, that's why I don't even care.''

Are you f-ing serious?? I knew the Eastern Bloc was a tough place to grow up but gaw-damn Darko. And why the hell were they throwing baseball (bats) at him? Do they even have baseball in Serbia? Did they just import some wooden bats from America, hand them out to the fans, then let these fans pelt the players with them? This is amazing. It has to be a translation glitch. Especially since they had to put (bats) in parenthesis as though he said something else but the reporter figured he really meant (bats). It makes you wonder what he actually said. Sticks? Logs? Gloves? Cleats? Anything you substitute in place of (bats) is equally bizarre. This quote from Darko does little to dilute my mental image of Eastern Europe, which was developed entirely from the movie Euro Trip. "Miami Wice, number one new show!" By the way, this movie has one of the most randomly awesome cameos in it by Matt Damon. And another one by a particularly special German pop sensation. The only video I could find of it was in another language and NSFW, but trust me it is worth it.

Back to basketball....

Lakers vs. Suns -

The Lakers are going to get pummeled in this series. The Suns had one of their worst shooting performances of the year and still won the game easily. Although it was fun watching Kobe in the first half dribbling to the exact same spot about 4 straight times and hitting a shot over Raja Bell. I have a feeling he was calling Bell "son" a lot during that stretch.

My favorite part of this game though has to be the shocking development of Ronny Turiaf's hair. I've gotta say, Don Imus must really hate Ronny Turiaf.

Mavericks vs. Warriors -

I know everyone is jumping on the Warriors bandwagon right now, and for good reason. They are like an And1 mix tape team, everyone on the team can score, they shoot whenever they touch it, Stephen Jackson is terrifying, and Baron Davis' beard is incredibly powerful. It looks like the Mavs are a little bit scared of The City right now. That said, I get the feeling the Mavs will figure this out and eventually win a game. Then, the fear will be gone and they will take the series. But it will be a lot more difficult than a 1 vs. 8 should be.

I've gotta ask though. What the hell happened to Matt Barnes? And when did it happen? He looks like a combination Scot Pollard and the Birdman. Here's something I love about the Warriors though, through most of the game Barnes was playing the 4 or 5 position, but then he would randomly play point guard for a few plays then switch back. Just a strange team to figure out how to defend.

Nuggets vs. Spurs -

Out-fucking-standing! What a game by the Nuggets. They we're just a better team last night. Just like I predicted, Melo and AI exposed Bowen, but none of the other guys on their team fared much better. Look at Ginobli's attempt to stop Melo.

Check your ankle tape there Manu.

Melo basically did whatever he wanted at the offensive end of the floor. He was too quick for Bowen, and when he's hitting from the outside like he was last night, he is pretty much impossible for anyone to hold.

So what did the Spurs do?

They sicked Jacque Vaughn on the Nuggets.

And that spastic Jayhawk douche nearly injured our entire team. What the hell was wrong with him? He dove into Iverson's ankles, slammed Blake into the scorers table, hacked, grabbed and scratched at Melo while trying to deny him the ball, and I think he somehow re-injured Kenyon Martin's knee in the process. What a freak. He reminds me of the guy you play at the rec center that isn't good, but tries way WAY too hard and ends up injuring everyone else on the court while claiming that he's "just hustling". I don't know if I can dislike another player more than Vaughn. He plays for the Spurs now (who I definitely have a strong dislike for) and he played four years of over-rated ball for the hated KU Jayhawks in college, where he and Dick Vitale routinely performed mutual masturbation while watching his game films. I'm starting to think that Vaughn might be the guy who cancelled Arrested Development and greenlit Kathy Bates' nude scene in About Schmidt. He is awful.

While watching the game though I came to the realization that Tim Duncan has absolutely no muscle tone at all. How can a guy be a professional athlete for the length of time that Duncan has and never lift a weight? I can see his workout regime now. I see him walking into the gym, talking to Robert Horry for a little while about being a grandpa, putting some weights on a bar and sitting on the bench, then joking with Tony Parker about how to be the opposite of intimidating and not shaving, then doing four reps at 135 lbs, racking the weights and hitting the showers.

His lack of strength looks like it is going to be a serious issue against the Brazilian Beast Nene. Nene used this blatant advantage to take Duncan completely out of his comfort zone. I doubt that Nene can outplay him like this the whole series, but it is definitely going to be an issue for Duncan the rest of the way.

The last thing I'll say about the game is that AI's complete man-ness may be the difference between this years Nuggets squad and the teams of the past few years. He is the most intimidating little person I have ever seen in my life. You can see the fear in Tony Parker's eyes every time AI starts looking to drive on him. He plays through pain without complaining, he is absolutely fearless going to the hole, he isn't intimidated by anything, and that attitude is starting to rub off on the rest of the team. He even sounds intimidating in his interviews. God I can't wait for the game on Wednesday. I may have to take a day off and get a good seat at the bar early.

And I'm sticking with my prediction. Nuggets in a sweep. What can I say? I'm a Homer.


Commish CH said...

"He looks like a combination Scot Pollard and the Birdman" LOL

My wife was on a flight with Chris Anderson once. She mentioned he was alot like Billy Idol in "The Wedding Singer" throughout the flight.

Also, Jeff Bzdelik practically destroyed the lockerroom over Birdman before G3 of the Minn-Nugs in 04.

Hallux Valgus said...

based on Sunday's game, I'm going to do a shot for every time Robert Horry hits the floor and takes more than 10 seconds to get up. Over/ Under is set at 7.

JT said...

I think you're going to have to go ahead and get the cab ready right now hallux.

How about Horry's lefty dunk though? That was the pure embodiment of an old man's dunk. He looked like his knees might break apart from the effort.