What KG is Really Saying

Now that the NBA season is over and my preseason NBA predictions went horribly wrong, we'll have to deal with yet more verbal fellating of a Boston sporting team.... But I would like to focus on the fellating of on Kevin Garnett. You see, he and the media like to fancy KG as some sort of tough guy, someone you'd never want to engage in a round of fisticuffs. And with all of the screaming, shit-talking and chest pounding, he puts up a fairly convincing front. However, evidence shows that when actually challenged to a physical confrontation, KG turns into a ball throwing, air-slapping, back-peddling bitch. So what is KG really saying when mean-mugging and pounding his chest like a roided out gorilla on the court? Well, it obviously involves plenty of swearing and use of the F(aggot) word.... But given his rather girlish nature when actually fighting, it's most likely nothing tough at all..... "Fuck! I forgot to pick up my muthaFUCKIN' dry-cleaning yesterday!!!" "I gotta take "27 Dresses" back to Blockbuster after the game... You can't be havin' no muthaFUCKIN' late charges KG!!!" I can't wait for "The Bill Engvall Show" to start... that muthaFUCKA will be even funnier than "Frank TV"!!! Did I forget to turn off the muthaFUCKIN' iron before I left??!?! Somebody better explain to me just how the FUCK Locke got off that muthaFUCKIN' island yo!! Someone's bitch ass ate my muthafuckin' cottage cheese out the fridge today son! I had to pick up some Goddamn KFC son!! KG's gotta eat healthy muthaFUCKA!! I told my punk-ass wife not to buy those burgundy drapes.... they clash with the muthaFUCKIN' ottoman bitch!! How come nobody at "Dancing With the Stars" has called me back about my audition tape?!?!  I gotta get the motherfuckin' oil changed on my muthaFUCKIN' Miata tomorrow!! I gotta get some more muthaFUCKIN' wine spritzers before I get home tonight! I forgot to put out the Goddamn cat food before I left!! Tinkerbell is gon' be hungry as FUCK when I get back yo!

The Most Important Book In the History of Man

OK Colorado fans.... It is finally here! The book that I co-wrote with former Buff teammate DJ Harrison, Clay Travis of CBSSports.com, Chris Shaw and the rest of the Deadly Hippos is finally available for purchase. It dropped nationwide this morning and should be at your local Barnes & Noble and Borders. Or, if you don't enjoy leaving the sanctity of your home, you can buy it online here. So please, go out and get yourself a copy of this book. Every man, woman and child NEEDS this! In fact, critics have called it "the most amazing thing in the history of the world!" That critic was my mom.... but that doesn't mean she's not absolutely correct! Go get yourself one (or 10... they make great Valentine's Day / Super Bowl gifts!), I guarantee you will laugh your asses off. While you're anxiously awaiting for your copy to arrive, here's a video I put together in honor of the book release: