Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Shawn Kemp ain't got sh*t on Travis Henry

A lot has been made about the recent revelation that Travis Henry has been spreading his seed throughout the South to the tune of 9 kids by nine different women. It's also become known that he is something of a deadbeat dad, often falling behind on child support payments while spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on cars and bling. I've only got two words for all of this.....

Who cares.

Honestly. Why does anyone care if Travis Henry is a piece of shit off the football field? He was brought in to the Broncos organization and given $22.5 million to tote the rock on Sundays, not to be the guiding light to all the fathers of Colorado... a shining example of being a better dad for all of the other dads in Colorado to observe in awe and envy.


He's just a football player.

And hopefully he's a damn good one. Because I don't really care how badly Henry hates contraception, or many times he used the "I can't feel you with one on" line to some Southern belle who fell for it, and I don't care if he can't remember all of his babies names.

I just want him to get my Broncos a hundred yards and a couple TD's every Sunday and I'll be just fine.

Don't get me wrong, it sounds like Travis Henry is a real turd. If he ever bumps into my sister down in LoDo I'm going to tell her to stay the hell away from that potent super-sperm he's packing. Because apparently, much like Chuck Norris, Travis Henry can impregnate women simply with his steely gaze and a stroke of his beard.

But as long as he's helping the Donks win every Sunday, I don't really care. He's not being paid to be a stand up father. He's being paid to run the football. So as long as he's not breaking the law, leave him alone.

That said, this whole situation reeks of stupidity.

The way I see it, there are only two ways you can get 9 different women pregnant by the time you're 28:

1.) You're so ignorant and retarded that you think that it's pretty unlikely that you'll get another girl pregnant if you don't wear a condom. Even though it's already happened 8 other times...

2.) You're so ignorant and retarded that you think the girl is telling you the truth that she's "on the pill". Even though 8 other girls have already won the baby lottery with you.

When I was playing ball in college, we used to get the same talk from our coaches before the start of every season. They would warn us about these loose women around campus. Women with no morals and no future who saw us all as a potential meal ticket. Thus, we should always wear protection whenever we wanted to "get our little dicks wet" as our coaches would so eloquently put it. Because there were women out there who would blatantly lie about being on the pill in order to get knocked up.

This may be true. And let's pretend for a second that this is what happened to Travis Henry.... How stupid do you have to be to fall for it 9 times!?!

I'll tell you what though. Part of me likes this, at least from a football standpoint. Because at the end of the day, he's got 9 babies mouths and 9 babies mommas to feed, spread out across all the Southland, and he can't afford to fuck this up.

I know one guy who's happy this has all come to the pulic's attention. That guy is Shawn Kemp. His seven kids by six women seems like nothing compared to Travis Henry's achievements. I think Kemp out to come to Denver and take Henry out to Shotgun Willies to celebrate and say thank you. What could go wrong there?


Commish CH said...

"Jimmy Hats are now in style,
Cuz you can't trust a big butt and a smile,
Some are dry and some lubricated
Many companies make and made it."

-Boogie Down Productions, "Jimmy"

Hallux Valgus said...

If your sister bumps into Travis Henry, it's already too late. the best you can hope is that she's pro choice. "A kid? not if my $300 has anything to say about it."